But life can't be measured with how much we have gained, how far we have reached and how deep we have explored. Once a disaster even just for a moment can be strong enough to take away from us what we have gained or achieved. I am a go-getter myself. I did plan and achieved my goal. I put up a business once, it turned out successful. It gave me sense of pride because the fruit of my long time perseverance had finally materialized. I put all of myself to it. I learned everyday skills how to keep it going strong. Taking care of my customers personally was strictly observed and that made me feel soaring with gladness, because it spells success. However that business which I have grown to love was taken from me. Inconsiderate of how I felt about such transfer, it was taken from me. I felt so down trodden with such move of the one I thought I trusted enough to have better idea than getting from me what I had labored for ardently. That business is all I got as my source of self-esteem.
That day when it happened I asked God why He allowed it to happen. He knew all along my hardship and dedication I put in that business. Even up to now, I still don't get the direct answer to my question. I felt deep disgust inside me - I loathe my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul - Job 10:1, This was how I really felt. For a while my heart became stupor because I didn't want to feel the pain.
But in the midst of my circumstance I still seek the will of God. I still ask for forgiveness for the grudge I felt. And He keeps comforting me with goodness. God will allow trials in our lives to make us stronger. He has to take away from us what occupied us the most to bare our SELF to Him so that He can sanctify us and make us better persons for Him, for in Him genuine abundance does exist. Abraham had to undergo the test of losing his only son in order to gain children as big as a nation. Joseph has to be humbled for almost seven years in order to become fit to rule. Jacob learned the hard way when he was tricked by his father in law so he had to work for seven years to marry his true love Rachel.
The lives of these men were impressed on me to realize how God deals with our attitude so that He may be able to produce the character He can rely on. God is so patiently working on me and He impressed on my questioning mind the FRUITS OF THE SPIRITS - Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
I would not say I am perfectly healed now of the pain. but I am opening myself to the fruits of the spirit and allowing God to finish His work on me. Because just like what He wants for me, I want to be a person God wants me to be.
acknowledgement:
I thank my sister kharole for the image
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